At Home
by DFM
Summary: Beckett has a problem after the events of Boom.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** At Home

**Characters:** Alexis, Beckett, and Castle

**Pairing: **Castle/Beckett UST

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Beckett has a problem after the events of _Boom_.

**Disclaimer:** If it looks or sounds like something from Castle, I don't own it.

**Spoilers:** Boom

**A/N:** This is either a one-shot or the start of something longer, I haven't decided yet... I just had to get this down after watching the ep.

* * *

Beckett was too comfortable, she'd decided. After a week of living with Castle, Alexis, and, more often than not, Martha, she was beginning to feel right at home. Which was a very bad thing.

It wasn't that she hadn't tried looking for a new place; she had, but she'd made the error of agreeing to let Castle look with her. He'd suckered her in by saying that with his connections he could get her a much better deal on a place. Seeing as her place had been under rent-control, this sounded like a good idea at the time. However, now everywhere they looked Castle found a way to deem it unsuitable.

_"Beckett, you can't live here. Think of how many flights of stairs you'd have to climb if the elevator ever broke down."_

_"What is this place? Frat central?"_

_"Oh my God. I either just found a very small dog or very large rat. Whatever it is, it's no longer with us."_

_"White carpet? Yeah, that wouldn't last through one case."_

On, and on, and on.

And all but the place with the rodent of unusual size had been perfectly acceptable.

So what was she still doing here? Why had she let him talk her out of each place?

Every day she spent here just blurred the line in her and Castle's already too complicated relationship.

She wasn't his girlfriend.

She wasn't his wife.

She was his friend.

And the fact that she had to keep reminding herself of that was just one more reason that she needed to find a new place and fast.

"Kate," Alexis called, startling her from her thoughts, "tell Dad that it is perfectly normal to drink hot chocolate without whipped cream."

"I didn't say it wasn't normal," Castle defended. "I was merely stating that there isn't much point." He handed Beckett her own mug of hot chocolate, which was two parts beverage, one part dessert topping, and smiled at her as if they were sharing a secret she hadn't known they were in on.

"The chocolate is the point," Beckett responded, but smiled back at him. "Though I will concede that whipped cream is a nice addition."

Both Castles seemed to take her answer as proof that they'd won the argument and moved on to discussing their movie selections.

She could worry about moving tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Spoilers/Timeline:** Takes place during _The Late Shaft_.

* * *

"You know, eventually she's going to catch on to what you're doing."

Castle looked up from his computer at the sound of his mother's voice. "Didn't you move out?" He paused just long enough for her to let out an indignant huff and begin to, once again, state her case as to why she was spending so much time at the loft, before continuing. "Who's going to find out what?"

"Beckett, the woman you graciously offered a room to, but are now coming up with harebrained schemes to trick into staying here against her will."

"First of all, Beckett is free to leave whenever she'd like, but currently she doesn't have a place to stay, which makes giving an address to a moving company a little harder. And second of all, I have never used a 'harebrained scheme' on Beckett!"

"Richard, darling, I am your mother; try selling that to someone else. Your relationship started because of one of your 'plans'. But I would think you would have learned by now that they don't work on her. Why don't you just tell her the real reason you don't want her to leave, instead of concocting bizarre reasons as to why no apartment is acceptable for her?"

Castle could already feel the headache this conversation was sure to leave him with starting to build. "She's my _friend_. There is nothing wrong with not wanting her to stay in a dump."

Martha's face was slowly making the transition from amusement to frustration. "Beckett showed me the pictures of the last place from Chris' List -- "

"Craig's List."

" -- and I was tempted to rent it out myself."

He kept his face carefully blank. If he was honest with himself, there really had been very little wrong with the last apartment that they'd looked at. "The carpet..."

"Could quite easily be changed or cleaned. You don't want her to leave." He shook his head and began to protest, but this time it was his mother who carried on. "Perhaps you should take the time while Alexis is away on her school trip to think about why that is."

Without another word, she smiled at him brightly, waved goodbye and walked away without giving him a chance to respond, but leaving him with a whirling mind and a slight feeling of panic.

###

"Do you think he's asked her out yet?" Alexis asked as she watched her father cuddle up to Ellie Monroe on live television, with Bobby Mann egging them on.

"Your father? Pretty girl like that? He may have proposed by now," Martha answered with a slight shake of her head.

When the interview was over, Alexis turned off the TV and turned to her grandmother. "Dad's not about to do something stupid, is he?"

"We can only hope not, Darling."

###

Castle was having some trouble concentrating on anything but the screen saver that kept repeating the same words over and over. Smart ass screen saver, like he didn't already know that he needed to be writing.

"So, exactly how cute is this teacher of yours?"

Castle's ears instantly perked up, not that he needed to try too hard; the walls were much thinner than you'd think in this place.

He couldn't see her, but he could guess that from the way that his daughter stuttered out an answer to Beckett's question that Alexis was blushing. "I don't know what you mean..."

"Uh huh..."

There was a slight pause, before Alexis gave in and began to gush. "He's _so_ cute. He has these brown eyes that I can't stop staring at. They lit up when he was talking about the trip, and before I knew it I was signing up."

He was in the midst of trying to remember where Alexis kept her yearbooks, because he really needed to see a picture of this cradle robber, when he was distracted by the sound of a giggle. Beckett giggled?

"Don't worry about it, it happens to the best of us. I could not stand to read Dickens until my senior year of high school. Until I took a class from Mr. Davis." Castle could have sworn that she just sighed the man's name. "He looked like he was pulled right out a billboard ad and he had this deep voice, so when he would read out loud to the class..."

It was Alexis' turn to giggle. "Figures that you'd go for the English teacher."

"And what is that supposed to mean, missy?"

"Oh nothing," Alexis denied, her voice all innocence. "I should probably pack some books. You want to help me pick out some? Perhaps _A Tale of Two Cities_?"

"You are your father's daughter," Beckett accused, but he heard them both start heading towards his office.

Quickly he woke up the computer and went back to a page that had actual words on it.

"We have come to raid the library," Alexis announced happily, her pack slung over her shoulder, practically skipping over to one of the bookshelves and perusing it's contents.

"Pretending to work, Castle?" Beckett asked, a smile trying to escape to her lips.

"I was doing fine until I got invaded," he denied, closing the computer when she leaned forward to examine it. Glancing towards his daughter, he noticed her pull out a book that weighed almost as much as she did and began to add it to a few others that she'd stuffed in earlier. "Um, you're going orienteering, not librarying. You sure you want to take that many books?"

Alexis looked down at the novel and he could almost see her calculating it's length and weight in her head. "Overambitious for a five day trip?"

"You're going to be responsible for your own pack... You're supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages, the trees might want revenge."

Alexis laughed and Beckett gave him an odd look that was between amusement and something else he couldn't place.

"Richard?" his mother called, walking into the office.

She looked far too serious.

"What's wrong."

"Bobby Mann is dead."

* * *

"Dr. Parish."

"Hey, Lanie."

Lanie knew from those two words that something was not right. "Hey, girl. What's going on? Something wrong with the case?"

"No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you'd like to go to this open house with me tonight?"

Okay, now she really was curious. "Hasn't Castle been going with you to those things?"

"Yeah... no, he has been. He just had something come up, but I like having that extra set of eyes, so I thought if you weren't doing anything..."

"Oh, I'll go with you, but just be forewarned, you're going to tell me what's going on."

"Lanie, nothing is going on."

"Uh huh. I'll see you tonight."

###

"I can't believe you didn't sign the lease right then. That place was perfect!"

"It didn't seem a little off to you?" Beckett asked distractedly as she searched for her keys to the loft.

"What said 'off' to you? The hardwood floors? The great view? Oh, no, it was the fact that it was exactly in your price range, wasn't it?"

Finally locating them at the bottom of her bag, Beckett opened the door and let Lanie walk in first before following her. "You're right. There was no reason not to -- "

"You think this is funny, Robinson?"

"Okay, okay. I'll do whatever you want, Nikki."

Lanie's eyes widened at the sound of Castle's voice and some woman she didn't recognize and her eyes immediately snapped to her friend, taking in her suddenly pale appearance.

She didn't know whether Beckett was more likely to be hurt by the woman's mere existence or the fact that Castle was referring to her as Nikki.

"Okay, I have easy access to a scalpel, give me twenty minutes and we can..."

"Lanie, it's not a big deal. I just thought she'd be gone by now."

Shaking her head, Lanie sighed. She'd deal with the denial later, right now she just had to get Beckett out of there. "Let's go pack up some stuff for you. You're crashing on my couch tonight."

* * *

"God, didn't all of your stuff get burned up? How'd you accumulate this so quickly?"

Castle looked up from where he was preparing dinner at the sound of Lanie's voice. He hadn't even known Lanie was there.

"Insurance check. I needed clothes to wear to work or people were going to think I'd been demoted back to a uniform."

"What's with the boxes?" Castle asked curiously, cutting off their conversation and startling both women.

Lanie raised an eyebrow at Beckett, who in turn sighed and rolled her eyes at her friend. "I found a place," was all Beckett offered when they were done with their silent conversation.

Castle's eyes grew wide and he was pretty sure his jaw dropped. "What? When?"

"A couple days ago."

"You were busy," Lanie offered a little too sweetly, which he might have noticed if all his attention wasn't directed at Beckett.

Beckett shot Lanie a quieting glare. "It's a great place, but they wanted someone who could move in right away. Hence, the quick move."

"I would have helped move stuff. And Alexis, she's going to be home in just a few minutes, she's great at organizing stuff."

"Despite what Lanie seems to think, I really don't have that much stuff. It's not that big of a deal..."

"So you're just moving out?" He hadn't meant to sound hurt, but some of it crept in nonetheless.

Head tilted to the side, Beckett's eyes softened slightly. "Castle, you know I'm very grateful that you gave me a place to stay, but we both knew this was temporary. It's time for me to go."

"Yeah, but -- " The ringing of the buzzer interrupted him. Holding up a finger, he said, "Just one second; that's probably Sacagawea now," before going to the door. Opening it he was surprised to see Ellie. "You're not Sacagawea."

"Can I come in?" she asked hesitantly, like she was afraid that he'd slam the door in her face.

"Now's not really a good -- "

"No, Castle, we're going to get out of here," Beckett cut in. Lifting the box she'd set down when Castle had cornered them, Beckett walked to the door, smiling tightly at both Castle and Ellie. "I'll see you at work."

Shaking her head, Lanie muttered at him as she passed, "You're an idiot."

What had just happened here?

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me to continue this story. I know this probably wasn't what you were expecting, but hang in there with me. I have a plan, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers/Timeline:** Takes place during _Den of Thieves_.

* * *

"Hey, girl, you want to go get a drink after work?"

Beckett suppressed a sigh. Lanie had been checking up on her with a regularity that was both endearing and driving her crazy. She didn't know what it would take to convince her friend that she was fine, but whatever it was, she would do it. "I'm actually heading to the gym for a workout. Maybe if I don't catch a case we can do something this weekend."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

She allowed a chuckle that she hope telegraphed, 'Thank you for checking on me, but I really am fine. Stop worrying.' It was a rather long-winded chuckle... "I never had any doubt."

Hanging up, Beckett walked into the locker room, ready to beat the crap out of a punching bag and not think about serial killers, bombs, a barely furnished apartment, or writers.

##

_"Would you like to join me for the interrogation?"_

_"Yeah, yeah I'd love to."_

Castle was pretty sure he just saw Beckett blush. Beckett didn't blush, she didn't smile shyly, and she certainly didn't jump at the chance to work with anyone who wasn't on her team. Except when this guy, Demming, was around.

Why did he feel like the kid who had just been dancing with his date before another guy cut in?

##

When Lanie's cell began ringing, she gestured for the lab techs to finish setting up the body to be fumed before walking out into the hall. "Dr. Parish."

"Beautiful Lanie. How are you this fine day?"

Shaking her head ruefully, Lanie had to stop herself from sighing. "Jensen, one of these days I'm gonna smack you. What do you want?"

"That's the same day you will realize your deep and abiding love for me. However, since I'm assuming today is not that day, how about if you just give me some of your money?"

"Another pool? I'm not sure my bank account can handle it. Who's this one on?"

"A certain homicide detective, whom we all fear and love, seems to have grown quite attached to the not-quite-as-handsome-as-me robbery detective that's helping her out on her case."

Lanie instantly felt her interest peak, but managed to resist the urge to hang up on Jensen and call Beckett immediately. "Didn't Montgomery make you shut down the last pool you had going on Beckett?"

"Well, yeah..." Jensen tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but everyone knew that he was still more than a little terrified of the Captain after the dressing down he'd received, "but that's just because he found out about it after the... incident in January. I'm sure it's fine now."

"Right..." Lanie paused, considering. "I'll let you know by the end of the day."

"I'll be sitting by the phone!"

"Don't you have a job to do?"

"Not that I recall. Goodbye, my dearest."

Lanie pulled the phone away from her ear and immediately started dialing.

"Beckett."

"Hey. I'm ready to start fuming the body, if you want to head on down here."

"Okay, we'll be right there."

##

Beckett had barely had time to place her bag in the bottom drawer of her desk when she heard footsteps approaching. She smiled when she saw that it was Demming and he was carrying coffee.

"I don't think anyone has ever beaten me into work before," he teased, holding out his caffeine offering.

She accepted the cup gratefully, as well as a couple of packs or sugar and cream. "If it makes you feel any better, I just got here."

"Maybe a little," he grinned at her. "You ready to get started?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."

##

"I'm telling you, man, it's the only thing that makes sense," Esposito was whispering heatedly to Ryan, when Castle approached them.

"What's the only thing that makes sense?"

The two partners exchanged a look, before looking at the author. Ryan's face was covered in worry, while Esposito just looked like he was out for blood.

"We need to tell Beckett," Ryan said, and Castle felt the need to point out that that didn't answer his question.

Some of the rage left Esposito, though it was still the obvious frontrunner of his emotions. "We think Demming is dirty."

Castle's eyes widened. "Oh shi -- "

"Did everything go okay?" Beckett asked before noting all three men's expressions. "What's going on?"

##

_"Seriously. Why don't you just ask me if I have an alibi for Finch's murder?"_

_"All right. So, where were you?"_

Demming winced as Beckett continued to pin him to the mat, his arm pulled back in a tight grip. "If I say 'uncle' will you let me up?"

"No. Now answer the question."

She pulled back his arm just a little further.

"Ow! Okay, okay. I was coaching."

"Coaching?" she asked incredulously, but her grip lessened.

"Yeah, I coach a basketball team. They were playing that night. The score was 34-21. Do you want to know who got the jump ball?" Beckett studied his face for a moment, before letting him go and sitting down on the mat next to him. Taking a deep breath, Demming sat up, wincing as he tried to bend his arm. "What's going on?"

##

_"Now that you know I'm not a dirty cop... Any time you need a sparring partner..."_

Beckett laughed, glad that he hadn't taken how hard she went after him too badly. "Thanks."

Demming smiled, and looked down at his shoes almost bashfully. He was just so... somehow it seemed wrong to apply the word 'adorable' to a cop. While she was considering other adjectives, she caught the tail-end of something he was saying. "... sometime?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I was just -- "

Her cell started ringing. Glancing at the ID, she gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry. I have to take this." He shook his head and waved her on. "Hey, Alexis. How are you doing? Yeah, we just wrapped up the case. Tonight? You know, I could get in trouble for supporting the gambling habits of a minor... Oh, well, if we're just playing for baked goods then it's no problem. Yeah... Do you need me to bring anything? Okay, see you soon."

"Little sister?" Demming asked when she'd hung up.

"What? Oh, no. That was Alexis; she's Castle's daughter."

He eyed her curiously. "You hang out with her a lot?"

Beckett shrugged casually, not really wanting to get into that most of the time she'd 'hung out' with Alexis had been when she was living with her and her dad. "Sometimes. She's an good kid." She pushed off the counter they were both leaning against. "A good kid who's going to be very hungry if I don't go find her dad and convince him to buy her a pizza. I'll see you around?"

"Count on it."

##

"I still haven't mastered my poker face," Alexis complained as she and Beckett began cleaning up the poker chips, while Castle took their dirty dishes into the kitchen.

"You've got a great poker face; you just have to actually use it."

Alexis looked at her, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"

"Do you know what people see when they look at you?" Alexis shook her head. "A sweet, innocent girl who they know they can trust. You use that and there aren't a lot of hands you're going to lose. That's why your dad's is so effective?"

"Because he looks like a sweet, innocent girl?" Alexis laughed.

Beckett threw one of the chips at her, but laughed, too. "No. Because no matter what hand he has, he's always the same funny, arrogant guy."

"So, what do you do if you think the other player has a good hand, but you do too?"

"You have to decide whether to go all-in or bow out gracefully," Castle threw in, walking back towards the table.

"Castle, when have you ever 'bowed out gracefully'?" Beckett teased, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

Castle paused just a beat long enough for Beckett to start to wonder if they were still talking about poker, but when the smug smile returned to his face, she shook off the feeling. "I've just never been in a situation where it was called for."

* * *

**Warning:** All of the author's poker knowledge came from watching episodes of _Celebrity Poker_. Do not take any advice herein as actual advice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Spoilers/Timeline:** Takes place during _Food To Die For_.

* * *

Of all the people Beckett expected to see when she walked into the break room first thing in the morning, Demming was not at the top of the list. "You trying to get your record back by beating me into work this morning?"

The detective looked up from the cappuccino machine he was fiddling with and smiled crookedly at her. She couldn't help the matching smile that crossed her own. "Can I help it if you guys have the good coffee?"

"Yeah, we don't like for that to get out..." she teased, starting her own cup.

Demming leaned against the counter, looking as if he had all the time in the world. "Hey, as long as I'm in on it, I don't mind keeping it a secret."

"It's nice to know that robbery turns out so many trustworthy individuals, Demming."

"You know, we're not working the case anymore, you should probably call me Tom."

Raising an eyebrow, Beckett tilted her head. "And why is that?"

"Because I'm trying to figure out how to ask you out on a date, and I think it would be easier if you thought of me as 'Tom' instead of 'Detective Demming'."

Taking a sip of coffee to cover her surprise, she examined his face. Every thought in her head said, 'Why wouldn't you go out with him? He's cute, smart, funny... What standard could there possibly be that he's not meeting?' Her heart, however, was beating a mile a minute, asking, 'Do you really want this?'

She didn't have an answer for the latter, but as to the former...

"I can probably handle thinking of you as Tom."

His smile grew and his eyes lit up. "Great!"

##

_"Is that a problem?"_

Hell yes, it was a problem! Not that he could think of any reason to give other than he didn't want her to go out with _Tom_. The guy was too perfect... he liked the weird cases, coached underprivileged youth basketball (well enough that they won), and, apparently, appreciated the fact that Beckett could kick his ass, instead of viewing it as some slight to his masculinity.

It was like she custom ordered him!

Frustrated, he tried to refocus on the case he and Beckett were walking towards, taking in their surroundings for the first time. "The murder is at Q3? This place has only been open three months. I can't even get a reservation here. I've been _dying_ to eat here!"

"Well, evidently you're not the only one."

He really must have been distracted, he thought as she responded. He made that one way too easy for her.

##

_"Unless that's a problem."_

Beckett had to force her jaw to unclench, and tried to say as lightly as possible, "No. Not a problem."

The man dated every woman in New York and half the ones in Connecticut. He couldn't stay away from her friend? Sure, Maddie could probably do with the distraction, but did Castle have to be the one to distract her?

She watched the two smile at each other and felt the strong need to dump a glass of water over Castle's head.

Why? Why every time she thought she was past this did something else happened and she felt confused all over again?

"Oh, here it is!" Maddie exclaimed, and turned the reservation book to show her the name they'd actually come there to get.

The case... that's what she needed to focus on.

##

Castle started to climb the stairs to his room, but he hadn't made it to the first landing before turning back to his mother and asking, "You really think it's a mistake? Going out with Madison?"

Martha looked at him like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. Sighing, she shook her head. "I just think you are potentially creating a very tense situation for all three of you."

"It's just dinner," he reminded her, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than her. "And Beckett's never been shy about telling me when I shouldn't go out with someone."

"When they're murder suspects, darling. Which, by the way, you should not have to be told."

He glanced at his frozen watch. "It's too late to cancel, anyway."

Martha smiled sadly at her son. "Just try not to get in too much trouble."

##

Brent Edwards. Now there was a name she hadn't thought of in a long time. For all of the borderline-obsessing she did in high school, she didn't actually remember much about him other than he was very hot.

Sadly, what she remembered most about the teenage 'love of her life' was the carnage he'd left in his path. She remembered him smiling at her and asking her to prom, sure that she would want nothing more than to go with him. She'd turned him down. And then Maddie hadn't.

It had divided their group of friends straight down the middle; no one was spared from taking a side. And she hadn't spoken to Maddie again until she ran into her at Q3.

"This date, with Rick... If you guys are at all.."

"Castle? N-No..."

"Are you sure? Because I really wouldn't want Brent Edwards to happen all over again."

"Trust me, it's not."

And it wasn't. This hurt a lot worse.

##

Castle was pissed. Okay, so maybe he was more angry that he'd been deprived of the best meal he'd had in months than the actual date had been interrupted, but he was still mad. There was no way that Madison killed Wolf, and Beckett had to know that!

From the look on her face, Madison was just as outraged as he was. He watched from the observation room as she turned her glare on Beckett.

"Okay. Next time I'm hitting on a guy you like, come clean with me before I go out with him so you don't have to arrest me to break up the date!"

Wait... guy you like? Well, this conversation just got far more entertaining.

Beckett shook her head immediately, and Castle knew the denial was coming and tried not to examine too closely that he wasn't looking forward to the prospect. "Madison, that's not -- "

"No, no, no, no. I get it. You're hot for Castle. You want to have little Castle babies. Why couldn't you just be honest?"

Holy shit!

"Maddie!" He heard Beckett whisper in a panicked voice.

"What?"

"He can hear us!"

And for the sheer fact that Beckett didn't immediately tell her friend that she was insane, Castle felt like doing a fist pump in the air.

Take that Demming! Guess who was back in the game!

##

_"Because David doesn't leave."_

And sometimes that was the one guarantee that trumped everything else. How could it not be better to be with a man you adored who wouldn't leave you broken than the guy who stole your heart and wasn't going to take care of it?

_"You have no idea how hard it is to love someone knowing they're going to break your heart."_

And in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to let Cecily go without having to tell this story. Because she did know, and she also knew that when that happened to you, you want nothing more than to pretend it isn't true. You may never believe it, but you can almost pretend sometimes.

##

Castle slowly walked away from the precinct. He'd started to hail a cab, but decided against it. He had to try and get Beckett's voice out of his head before he got home, or he would not be able to concentrate on helping Alexis through her problem.

_"Eventually you know he's just going to let you down. So why risk it?"_

He'd wanted to ask her so many times... Why will you trust me with everything but you? And now he had his answer. She'd already written the end of their story and wasn't happy with the way it turned out. It almost made him want to go back to when his biggest problem was how to stop her from dating another guy.

_"Because the heart wants what the heart wants."_

And that was the one thing he had to cling to. Until he could convince her brain, at least he had her heart on his side.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm not going to write a chapter for Overkill. I think anything I would have said for it you got from the last two chapters.


	5. Chapter 5

**Spoilers/Timeline:** Takes place after _Food To Die For_. This story ignores both _Overkill_ and _A Deadly Game_.

* * *

Castle and Beckett had never had a more awkward week together in their entire relationship. Even when they'd first paired up, or when he'd been trying to get back in her good graces after looking into her mother's case. It wasn't that those times had been comfortable, but they'd never been at a loss as to what to say to each other. Yet now, ever since their heart vs. head discussion, both had felt like they were walking on eggshells around the other.

Sure, Castle still made jokes and Beckett still rolled her eyes in response. Castle made her coffee and Beckett called him first thing before heading to any scene.

All of the mechanics were there, but it was forced. And things had not been helped by the fact that they'd been working a case in collaboration with Robbery. A murder victim was found in connection to a stolen Brinks truck. If things were stressed between Castle and Beckett, it was nothing compared to the delicate balancing act that was the Castle-Beckett-Demming dynamic.

Castle refused to go through another week of it.

So, with more assurance than he actually felt, Castle knocked loudly on Beckett's door before he could talk himself out of it.

If she was surprised to see him when she opened the door, she hid it. "Castle -" Not waiting to actually be invited it, he brushed past her. "Come on in," she muttered sarcastically.

"I don't accept the premiss."

Her brow furrowed, head tilting slightly to the side. "What are you talking about?"

"Your 'it's better not to take a risk' theory. All relationships are a risk. You can't get a guarantee from _anyone_ that they won't break your heart."

"Some people are bigger _risks_ than others."

"What makes Demming any less of a risk than I am?"

Beckett's eyes slipped shut for a moment, shaking her head as if that would unask the question. "Castle, please don't do this."

He took a step towards her; his eyes were sad, but the rest of his face was a mask of determination. "Beckett, this week has been hell."

"I know, but - "

"Just answer the question. Is it the marriages? That I have a teenage daughter? That I spend an absurd amount of time playing Halo? What?"

"Well, definitely the Halo thing..."

"Kate."

The use of her first name jarred her almost as much the fact that they were having this conversation. He only used it when he thought she was going to die or have an emotional breakdown. "You know that I think Alexis is great; I would never view her as a reason not to be with you unless she was the one with objections. As for your ex-wives... I've met both of them, I'm not willing to blame you for either of those relationships falling apart."

"Then what is it?"

"Castle... Do you know that in the year I've known you you've hurt me deeply three times?" He opened his mouth to respond, but she held up a hand to stop him. "I trusted you enough to tell you about my mother's case. I have never told anyone that soon in my life. Technically, I still haven't told Ryan and Esposito. I know that they know, but we've never talked about it. But I told you, and then you took that information and used it without my permission."

"I - "

"You apologized. I accepted. And now I can see that I'm better off for having the information you dug up. However, I can't tell you how much that shook up my trust in you." She paused, before clearing her throat. "Then, at the book launch party for _Heat Wave_..." She watched him wince at the memory. "Well, I think it's safe to say that we both said some things we shouldn't have that night."

"That's two..." he said in a tone that told her that he didn't really want to know the last one.

"We don't have - "

"Just finish it, Kate."

"Ellie Monroe." His head snapped up in surprise. This last point was apparently not the one he was expecting. "I watch you flirt with every remotely-attractive woman that crosses our path. And mostly it's just something you can't help, it's part of your personality and how women react to you. But I was _living_ with you at the time, and we were getting closer... at least I thought we were."

"We were," his voice was just above a whisper.

"Then why, Castle?" she asked the question she'd been holding back for weeks. "You slept with her when you knew there was a chance that I'd walk in on you. You called her _Nikki_."

There was a long silence, and she began to doubt that she was going to get an answer. Maybe he didn't know...

"I was scared." It was her turn to stare at him in shock, to which he gave a rueful chuckle. "Do you have any idea how much you terrify me?"

She was honestly at a loss. Sure, she'd tried to scare him away in the beginning, and she did remind him every now and then that she carried a gun, but she couldn't remember ever acting in such a way that should have 'terrified' him. "I'm not - "

"You're smart, beautiful, strong, and independent. That would be enough to terrify any guy, but, don't take this the wrong way, I've surrounded myself with women that fill that description. No, what's frightening about you is that you have this image in your head of exactly the kind of man and relationship you want, and you've never been shy about telling me that I'm not it."

"I never said - "

"Come on, Kate. Every time someone asked if we were together and you gave a flat out no and I said not yet... 'He's like a 9-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously'... 'Seems like the common denominator in that equation is you'... You practically have a sign around your neck that says 'Don't even think about it, Castle'. I've made it completely clear how I feel about you - "

"When exactly? The only time you made a serious pass at me was after the Tisdale case, and you weren't offering anything more than a one-night stand."

"You can't possibly believe that's still all I want." She bit her bottom lip and looked away, Castle shook his head in disbelief. "Apparently you can. You think I'm sticking around to get you to sleep with me?"

"No. I think you're sticking around because you like pretending to be a cop. I'm sure if you got me into bed you'd view it as a nice side benefit."

"And these last few weeks? If all I was after was the sex than why would I care if you were with another guy?"

"You don't like to share."

Castle didn't even attempt to hold back the scoff that escaped him as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "You've got an answer for everything, don't you? What does the pure fact that we're having this conversation tell you? I think you need to step back and reexamine all of the evidence, Detective."

Tears formed in Beckett's eyes, but she blinked them back, stubbornly not letting any of them fall. She didn't know what to do with any of this. She'd spent almost the entirety of her relationship with Castle denying that either of them wanted it to be more than it was.

"Do you want to be with me?" Neither of them could quite believe that he'd asked it, but now that it was out he was set on getting an answer. "Because we can work through the other crap. Just tell me..."

"Yes..." The moment the word was out she wanted to take it back.

"Yes?"

She nodded almost imperceptibly. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it was trying to kick out an escape route from her chest. When had he gotten so close? Hesitantly, he reached out and with one finger brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes slipped shut and she could feel the warmth of him as he leaned towards her. Their breaths mingled and she could almost feel his lips on hers...

And then her cell rang.

She held his gaze for just a moment, before walking over to her coffee table to answer the phone.

"Beckett."

"Kate, we just caught a break," Demming's voice informed her.

"I'll be right in."

##

The night had turned into a flurry of activity. They'd received a tip that the rest of their victim's crew was holed up in a warehouse near where the armored truck had been found.

Beckett parked her car far away enough to not be spotted by anyone who might be looking out one of the windows of the warehouse. She glanced around as other cops pulled up as well before turning to Castle.

"Castle..."

"Stay in the car?" She nodded, trying to convey with her eyes what she couldn't say out loud. His mouth quirked into a smile. "You never let me have any fun."

"Getting shot at really isn't as fun as it sounds."

He made a noncommittal sound, as if there was a possibility that she was lying about the appeal of gunfire, but the next second his face grew serious. "Be careful."

For just a second they both thought she was going to lean forward and kiss him. Instead she reached out and squeezed his hand, reassuring them both, before getting out of the car.

Castle watched as the team huddled together, going over their plan one more time before splitting up into separate groups. His eyes followed Beckett until she was out of his line-of-sight.

Now he just had to wait.

He'd been sitting alone for about ten minutes, and was starting to contemplate whether putting on music was a good idea, when a car drove past. He glanced up automatically and froze.

It was one of their suspects and it looked like he had friends with him.

'Shit,' he mentally cursed. They were heading right towards the warehouse and no one inside had any idea. He barely waited for the car to pass before getting out and running as fast as he could towards the back entrance. His only thought was that he needed to get to Beckett.

##

"...Do you understand these rights as they've been read to you?" Demming had just finished reading the suspect he was cuffing his rights when Castle came crashing into the room. He and the officer next to him exchanged confused looks before he turned to the author. "Um, we've got this one, Ca-"

"The fourth guy..." Castle panted, out of breath. "Jenkins... he's..."

"NYPD! Put the gun down!" They heard ring out from the next room.

"Kate," both Castle and Demming spoke as one. Demming pushed the suspect towards the other officer and the two took off. "Stay behind me, Castle."

"NYPD! Put your hands up!"

##

Two shots rang out and then silence.

"Castle!"


	6. Chapter 6

Beckett stared down at her blood-stained hands. Should the blood still feel warm? What did it mean that she could feel the pulse of his heartbeat in the palm of her hand long after he'd been taken away by the EMTs?

_"Kate... Please..."_

She wasn't sure what he'd been asking for... Please make the pain go away? Please stay with me? Please feed my fish? What?

"Kate..." Dazedly she looked up into Castle's eyes. "Come on. We need to get you out of here."

"I have to..."

"Ryan, Esposito, and I already gave our statements. Yours will hold 'til the morning."

_Beckett watched in horror as the two men who had come charging in like they were the damn cavalry, collapsed to the floor. And she knew she'd been too slow, that her shot hadn't gone off in time._

_"Castle!" His name felt like it had been ripped from her throat._

_"I'm okay. I'm okay," he reassured her, even as he rubbed the back of his head in obvious pain from where he'd hit it on the ground. "Demming? You can get off of me now... Demming?"_

"Tom..."

"He's going to be in surgery for awhile. We can get cleaned up before we go to the hospital."

"Castle, please..." But she didn't know what she was asking for.

##

It had taken a little over an hour and a half for both of them to get cleaned up and to the hospital. Ryan and Esposito were already there, along with Tom's captain and partner. Captain Santos stood up when they entered, offering Beckett soothing words and promises that Demming was a fighter and would make it through this.

Castle was glad that Beckett's attention was solely on Santos, because the look of anger and blame coming from Demming's partner, Stevens, was pretty unmistakeable. Gently, Castle guided her further down the row of chairs, closer to Ryan and Esposito, neither of whom said anything but their faces clearly read concern. Beckett managed a weak smile for them.

"Have they told you anything?"

Esposito shook his head. "No, we were just told to wait here and someone would be out to talk to us as soon as they knew something."

"Is there someone we should call?" Ryan asked, desperately needing something to do. "Santos has probably contacted his next of kin, but..."

"There's no one," Beckett cut him off sadly. "We're his family."

They didn't know if she meant only the people there in the waiting room or if she meant the NYPD as a whole, but it didn't matter. Demming was one of them and if all they could do for him was wait for news than that's what they would do.

##

Castle handed Beckett a cup of coffee that gave the low quality of the precinct's pre-cappuccino machine offering to shame. It didn't seem to matter because he doubted she could actually taste it.

"I'm beginning to rethink my position on curses," Beckett said suddenly, catching him off guard. "Or maybe jinxes."

"Beckett, you can't think that..."

"No, seriously Castle, at what point do you determine whether you just have the most god-awful luck in the world or if you're a jinx to everyone in your life? How many people have to get hurt? How many things have to go wrong?"

"Demming is a cop!" he snapped, trying to keep his anger and frustration at her words under control, but not completely succeeding. "He's a cop who was involved in a bust that went wrong. You can't tell me that he didn't know the risks going in. This is in no way your fault!"

"The only reason he was even in the line of fire was because I was there."

"You think he wouldn't have gone to backup any other cop that was in that room? Did he move a little faster because he cares about you? Yes, but that's it."

"I should have been quicker..." she whispered and he knew this is what was really bothering her. "If I had gotten my shot off one millisecond sooner..."

"Do you think it's my fault?"

She looked up at him startled. "What? No!"

"Why not? If I hadn't been trying to get to you then Demming wouldn't have had to push me out of the way and he wouldn't have been exposed. So, if we're going to - "

She shook her head. "It's not - "

"My fault," Castle finished. "And it's not yours. Jenkins is the one who pulled the trigger. No one else is to blame for that."

Beckett stared into Castle's eyes, struggling to accept the truth of his words. Hesitantly, he reached out and brushed away a stray tear that she hadn't realized had fallen.

"Well, this is cozy," Stevens said acidly. Castle glared at the man defiantly, while Beckett just shook her head choosing to ignore the venom in favor of the information he'd obviously come to deliver. "He made it out of surgery. We still can't see him while he's in the ICU, but once they've decided he's out of immediate danger we'll be able to."

He felt some of the tension ease out of her, a shaky breath expelling from her lungs.

"Okay... okay," was all she said.

##

Demming blinked his eyes several times before actually managing to open them. He felt like he was coming out of the deepest sleep he'd ever experienced. His head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton and his mouth didn't seem to be in any better of a state.

"Tom?"

He tried to smile at her soft voice; she sounded so worried. "Kate..."

"Yeah... are you in any pain? Do you need me to get a doctor?"

He shook his head just enough to get the point across. "Please..."

She reached out and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "What?"

"Please don't leave."

There was a very long pause as he felt his eyelids grow heavy again. "I'm right here," were the last words he heard before he slipped back into unconsciousness.


	7. Chapter 7

**A Month Later**

Lanie took in the sight of her friend as Beckett glanced over the autopsy results she'd just handed her. She took in the dark circles under her eyes, the weight loss her clothes no longer hid, and the rigid position of her shoulders. She looked like she was waiting for someone to jump out at her.

"Honey, you look like crap."

"Thanks, Lanie," Beckett answered dispassionately, not once glancing up from the file in her hands, leading Lanie to believe this was not the first time she'd been told this.

"How long has it been since you got a full night's sleep?"

"What year is it?"

"See, it's answers like that that make me want to stick you on a plane to Tahiti."

Beckett's eyes slipped shut for a moment. "Would I at least get to pack first?"

"Okay, now you're scaring me. Your first reaction to anyone suggesting that you need a vacation is always to insist that you don't have time. I can practically see you picturing yourself tanning on a beach right now."

She let a sigh burst past her lips. "It's still true that I can't afford to take any time off. That doesn't mean that I can't imagine what it would be like if I had the luxury."

Lanie suspected that Beckett had been imagining a lot of 'what if' scenarios lately. "Where's your tagalong?"

"Castle?" Beckett asked, as if Lanie could mean someone else. "He's spending some time writing."

"Just today?" She knew the answer, but wanted to hear what Beckett would say anyway.

"No, for the last couple weeks. He's got some deadlines coming up."

Lanie resisted the urge to hold her hands up in surrender against the defensive tone. "And Tom?"

A small, sad smile appeared on Beckett's face. "He should be able to come off leave soon."

"PT's been going alright?"

"Yeah, he swears he's in better shape now than before he was shot..."

There were possibly three people in the world who would have detected the slight quiver in Beckett's voice when she said shot; unfortunately for her, while her dad or Castle probably wouldn't have said anything, Lanie had no such reticence.

"We're going out tonight. You're going to drink enough to give a frat boy alcohol poisoning, but will make you annoyingly only slightly buzzed. And you are going to forget about everything that's got you looking like a Ringwraith."

A laugh startled out of her and Beckett shook her head. "I don't know whether to be insulted that you just compared me to a Nazgul, or amused that you know what one is..."

Lanie tried to look affronted and pointed an accusing finger at her friend. "You dragged me to those movies!"

"You minded looking at Viggo Mortensen for a few hours?"

"No," Lanie admitted easily, "that's why I let you make me go. And don't think I didn't notice that you changed the subject."

Pausing to consider, Beckett finally asked, "Drinking?"

"And possibly dancing."

"Nothing too trendy and no cop bars."

Lanie smiled widely, knowing the 'ground rules' were the last step before the capitulation. "Whatever you say, girl."

##

Castle's thumb hovered over the screen of his phone, coming dangerously close to Beckett's name. He had never pictured himself as one of those guys who worried about whether to call a woman or not. He called who he wanted and her reaction was up to her. He also never imagined that he would feel awkward talking to Beckett.

For the first week after the shooting, the little they saw of each other had been strained, as much from how hard they were trying not to make it difficult for the other than the situation itself. He had thought she'd be relieved when he told her he was going to take some time away from the precinct to work on _Naked Heat_, and she'd done her best to play the part, but he saw the extra sadness that entered her eyes and had wanted to snatch the words back immediately. He might have, just played it off as if it had been a joke, if she hadn't looked at her watch and whispered that she had to go, which loosely translated into it was time to visit Demming.

Demming... Part of Castle still hated the bastard for coming into their lives, and it was still entirely possible that 'Schlemming' would come to an untimely demise. Another part of him grudgingly acknowledged that the man had saved his life.

There was also the fact that, as far as Demming knew, his relationship with Beckett had never been in danger of coming to an end. And if he read anything into Beckett's 'super-girlfriend' routine, he didn't show it.

Sighing, Castle placed the phone down in front of him, before running his hands over his face. He wanted desperately to be able to shut his brain off, if only for an hour, and he really wanted to stop recalling that night at the hospital.

##

_Castle glanced up at the sound of footsteps approaching. He barely contained a sound of mild annoyance as Stevens walked back into the waiting room and took up a seat not far from him. When he'd told Beckett to take a moment with Demming alone he had not considered the fact that he'd be sitting with his rivals partner._

_Not surprisingly, Stevens was the one to break the silence. "You certainly move in quickly, Castle."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_Stevens affected a relaxed pose, but Castle could tell he was almost quivering with anger. "Did you at least wait until Demming was in the ambulance before swooping in to 'comfort' Beckett, or did you like the challenge of trying to poach a girl while she's trying to stop her boyfriend from bleeding out?"_

_"Hey, you're out of - "_

_Standing up angrily, Stevens started to walk away, but only made it a few paces before turning back. "If she's going to break up with him for you, do you think you could get her to wait until he's at least lucid enough to remember it?" Not waiting for a response, he turned around again and was gone._

_Glancing around, he noticed that all of the other occupants of the waiting room were studiously 'minding their own business'. Not particularly wanting to be judged by strangers, at least not ones that weren't getting their information from gossip blogs, he stood and made his own exit._

_There aren't that many places to wander to in a hospital, so Castle not-so-unexpectedly found himself going to check on Beckett. He opened the door to the hospital room as softly as possible, but Beckett glanced in his direction nonetheless. Castle offered a small smile, which she responded to with only a slight hesitation. He'd been about to step further into the room when the figure on the bed began to move._

_"Tom?"_

_"Kate..."_

_Both Castle and Beckett relaxed marginally at the sound of Demming's response. It was the first time that either of them truly believed he was not going to die._

_"Yeah... are you in any pain? Do you need me to get a doctor?"_

_He shook his head. "Please..."_

_"What?"_

_"Please don't leave."_

_With those three words it felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Beckett's eyes immediately found Castle's, a silent conversation happening in the space of just a few seconds._

_Because they both knew that there was only one answer in that moment._

_"I'm right here."_

##

"Good evening, Ms. Beckett," the doorman of her new apartment building greeted her, smiling widely.

"Hey, Charlie. How are you doing tonight?"

"It's been fairly quiet, so I'm more than a little bored."

Beckett laughed, shaking her head. "I can tell 5E that I saw 7J take her clothes out of the drier again; I'm sure that'll liven things up for you."

"I'm not _that _bored." Charlie shuddered exaggeratedly, trying to shake the mere memory of the last encounter from his mind. His expression quickly turned devious, and in a sing-song tone he used on very few tenants he informed the detective, "Mr. Castle stopped by not too long ago."

"He was here?" she asked a little more quickly than was strictly necessary, though Beckett was proud that she'd managed to keep most of the anxiousness out of her voice.

"Yeah. He dropped this off for you," he pulled out a small, flat package and handed it to her.

The light package seemed to grow heavier in her hands during the elevator ride to her floor. She'd almost convinced herself that it wouldn't be cowardly to wait a bit before opening it, but finally curiosity won out.

Once she'd opened it however, she could honestly say that what stared back at her never entered her mind as a possibility. Why would Castle give her a collector's edition of Casablanca? Picking up the DVD, she searched through the packing paper until she came across a slip that didn't match the rest.

_Sometimes you have to get on the plane._

_Castle_

_P.S. - The book's almost done; I should be back on Monday._

She really didn't know whether to give him style points or consider him the biggest cheeseball on the planet.

##

"Kate!" Demming called out as he entered her apartment. He glanced towards the TV, which was playing what looked like _Casablanca _loud enough to be heard in another room.

_"Put that phone down!" Humphrey Bogart's voice called from the screen._

Sure that Beckett hadn't heard him come in, he started moving through the apartment. "Kate!"

_"Put it down!"_

_Two shots rang out..._

##

_Demming felt the bullet pierce into him before his brain registered the sound of the gunfire. He vaguely heard Kate scream, though what it was he couldn't make out, his entire being focused on his wound and the thought that he was going to die._

##

Beckett walked out of her bedroom, slipping on heels that even she wouldn't dare to chase down criminals in. She stopped short when she noticed Demming standing in the middle of her living room.

"Hey. Didn't you get my text message? I'm going out with Lanie tonight..." She trailed off when she noticed that he wasn't really looking at her, and actually examined his expression. He looked like he was in pain... "Tom?" She reached out to lightly touch his arm.

Lightning quick, he grabbed the wrist of the arm that had touched him, using it to spin her so it was pinned against her back. She let out a gasp of pain.

"I swear to God, I will break your arm, Jenkins! Drop the gun!"

"Tom!" she yelled, trying to bring him back, but his eyes still weren't seeing her and she doubted he heard her words. His grip was tightening on her wrist and she was afraid if he pulled it any tighter he might actually break it.

With all of the force she could put behind it, she drove the spike of her heel into his instep.

##

Castle was in the middle of a killer guitar solo when he heard the doorbell ring. Trying to not think of disappointed concert goers, he paused the game and went to answer the door.

He didn't even bother to hide his surprise at the sight of her. "Lanie? Hi!"

"Have you seen Beckett?"

"No... did you try the precinct?"

She looked at him like that was the stupidest question he'd ever asked. "No, I figured I'd start with the less-likely places first... of course I checked the precinct and her apartment. She's also not answering her phone and she was supposed to meet me almost two hours ago. Neither Ryan or Esposito have seen her since she left for the day."

"Well, I haven't seen her..." He didn't really care whether he sounded worried or not. Castle doubted he'd be able to fool Lanie anyway. "Did you check with Demming?"

"He's not answering his phone either and I have no idea where he lives."

"Well -"

The ringing of Lanie's cell phone interrupted them. She glanced at the caller-ID and mumbled, "Oh, thank God," before answering it. "Girl, where the hell are you?"

Castle relaxed just a bit... She'd called, so she couldn't be in that much...

"What hospital are you at?"

His eyes snapped up. "What?"


	8. Chapter 8

Castle burst out of the elevator as soon as the door slid open enough to allow him through, Lanie not that far behind. The first nurse he came to he demanded, "I need to know which room Kate Beckett is in."

The nurse gave him a look that said she was less than impressed with his tone and if he wanted any kind of information he would take it down a notch. "Are you a relative?"

"I'm her partner," he said without hesitation. Let her take that however she wanted.

He could tell that she'd been tempted to call 'bullshit', but something in his expression changed her mind and instead went to a computer to pull up the information.

"She was taken to get x-rays done. If you two will take a seat, I will let you know when you can see her."

But he wasn't quite done. "X-rays? For what?"

"Sir," the nurse's voice was polite but hard, "take a seat."

"Castle," Lanie spoke up, looking fully prepared to drag him to the chairs, "come on."

Pausing for only a moment, Castle let himself be guided away from the nurses' station.

"If we don't get any information in ten minutes, you distract her and I'll go look for Beckett," he whispered, only half kidding.

With a perfect deadpan Lanie whispered back, "Okay Lucy, but if Fred is going to have to bail us out of jail, I should give him a call so he can work himself up to parting with the money." Lanie thought it spoke volumes about his state of mind that he didn't even crack a smile at her perfectly hilarious joke. "How's Alexis liking Princeton? Beckett showed me some pictures she sent a week ago; it sounded like she was having fun..."

Castle looked at her in confusion. "Alexis sent Beckett pictures?"

"Sure... They've both been kind of busy so they haven't gotten the chance to talk, but they've been emailing back and forth... Neither of them told you?"

Shaking his head, Castle buried his head in his hands. "How did everything get so screwed up, Lanie?"

"Well, the two of you acted like idiots but that's not all that unusual..." This time she did get a snort of laughter. "Some of it was bad luck and bad timing... most of it was you two being stupid, though." She studied him for a moment. "Things aren't as screwed up as you might think."

"We're in a hospital!" He waved his arms around as if she hadn't noticed their surroundings.

"Yeah, but _you're_ here."

He didn't see how that solved anything, but for now he was willing to take Lanie's word that it meant something.

##

Beckett had never had so much trouble putting on a coat in her life. She was in the middle of a complicated, and somewhat awkward maneuver when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her eyes slipped shut in a mixture of relief and defeat. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

Her movements stilled and she let Castle finish helping her with the stubborn garment. "Thanks."

He didn't say anything and when she finally did turn, she watched as he took in the sight of her, his eyes traveling over her tired expression, moving down to linger on her right arm wrapped in a sling. "What happened, Kate?"

She wanted to tell him that she was fine, it was just a sprain after all. She wanted to tell him not to worry about her.

Instead she sat down on the hospital bed and said, "Sit down, Castle."

##

"... So, I called Stevens to come get him and then took a cab here."

For a long time after she finished relaying the events of the night, Castle didn't say anything. Beckett had never heard him this quiet... he talked more when he fell asleep on the couch during a movie.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

She had been expecting several questions, yet she hadn't thought that would be the one he would lead with. "No, they gave me some medicine. Right now it's mostly just... taking some getting used to."

"Okay..." He wasn't quite meeting her eyes. "Lanie's outside, she'll take you home and stay with you while I go pack some stuff for the next couple days."

"Castle! You're not staying with me!"

"Okay, I didn't want to sleep on the sofa anyway. You can stay at my place."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"At the very least you're going to need someone to open jars for you."

"I think I can live without peanut butter for a couple weeks."

"You say that now, but you never know how much you want something until it's not an option anymore."

Standing up angrily, Beckett nearly growled, "Now? You want to talk about this now?"

"No," Castle answered in a frustrated tone, standing up himself; he didn't want to fight with her, but he also wasn't in the mood to allow her any advantage. "What I want is to get you out of this damn place. I want to take you back to your apartment, where you can be tucked safely into your own bed. I want this damn night to be over!"

She reached out for his hand, but stopped just short of actually taking his in hers. "I can't let you take care of me, Castle."

"I was thinking more along the lines of being your slave-boy..." he joked and watched her relax just a tiny fraction. He took a step closer to her. "It doesn't have to mean anything else. Just one friend helping out another."

She wanted so much to cave in, but... "It would mean more. We both know it would, and that wouldn't be fair to you."

"Nothing about this situation is fair, Kate."

"You understood why - "

"I understood that Demming'd just been shot, he needed you, and you needed to save him!" Castle snapped, all of the irritation he felt about how events had played out crammed into that one sentence. "But you have to understand that _that_," he pointed angrily and her injured arm, "is a sling, not a watch!"

She stepped away from him as if he'd slapped her. "Fuck you!"

"Oh, I'm not going to even touch that one!" Taking a ragged breath he tried to calm himself down. "Demming's sick, Beckett. He's hurting in a way that you can't fix, unless you have a degree in psychology that you haven't told me about, and I can't watch you get yourself killed trying!"

He expected a lengthy lecture about how she could take care of herself, that she was a cop and she didn't need some writer telling how to protect herself. He got something completely different.

"My new couch isn't as comfortable as my old one. I'll have Lanie help me pack some stuff, and you go home and hide all the stuff that you haven't bothered to because both Alexis and Martha are away."

Castle stared in shock as she started towards the door, though he recovered quickly and followed. "What just happened?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Anyone remember this story? I'm sorry it took so long. I could give several reasons for why it did, but I'm sure you've heard 'em all. So, here's chapter 9...

* * *

The cab ride back to Beckett's apartment was the quietest she and Lanie had ever spent together. At first Lanie had tried to broach subjects that wouldn't remind Beckett of the night's events, but, as it became increasingly hard to capture her attention as she stared out the window of the car, Lanie gave up.

"I missed every sign," Beckett whispered, causing Lanie to turn back towards her. The was a long pause, to the point where Lanie thought Beckett wasn't going to elaborate, before she spoke again. "I was practically living with Tom and I couldn't tell how bad he was hurting. I was so focused on his physical pain that I ignored the mental. Some detective I am."

"Honey, you can't blame - "

"I was there, Lanie! For every nightmare I had trouble waking him from, for every time he'd hear a loud popping noise and wince in pain... I ignored _all of it_." She looked like she wanted to punch something but settled for clenching the fist on her uninjured side. "I keep trying not to think about what could have happened if he'd had his gun, but one of us could have been killed because I wasn't _paying attention_."

Beckett's eyes clenched close, taking a shaky breath to try and stop the tears from gathering in her eyes. When she reopened them, the hard look on her friend's face pulled her up short.

"Unfortunately for you, Writer Boy isn't here to make you laugh and realize how ridiculous you sound right now, so you're going to have to settle for me shoving my foot up your ass."

"Lanie - "

"So, you didn't see it! Did it ever occur to you that the reason _why_ you didn't is because you've been running yourself ragged with this Florence Nightingale routine? You've been acting like if you just hold on a little tighter, pretend to love Demming just a little more, then he'll never have gotten shot in the first place!"

"I've already been over this with Castle once tonight - "

"Good! I'm surprised that boy didn't speak up sooner." Eyeing Beckett curiously, she asked the question that had been bugging her since they left the hospital. "Is that why you agreed to stay with Castle tonight? Because he pointed out that you can't fix this by yourself?"

"No," Beckett admitted truthfully. "He did give me something close to an ultimatum tonight, but that's not really why I agreed."

"Then why...?"

"Did you know that every cent of my paychecks that haven't gone to rent or food, has gone to decorating the new apartment? The walls were so white, and the place was so echoey that I could barely fall asleep there when I first moved in."

"What does that have to do with you staying with Castle?"

"No matter how much I try and fix it up, it still doesn't feel like _my_ place. It's where I crash between shifts."

"But you didn't feel that way when you were staying at Castle's," Lanie guessed.

"I felt... safe. I could really use that tonight."

That was the closest Lanie had ever heard Beckett coming to admitting she might need someone else, so she hesitated just a moment before saying, "Beckett, you need to promise me that you won't sleep with Castle tonight."

"Lanie!"

"I'm serious. I have waited far too long for you two to get your acts together for you guys to mess it up because you got a good scare. If you can't promise me that then I'm crashing at his place with you and putting a bell on you so I can hear if you try and get up in the middle of the night."

"Lanie... You don't need to worry." At her friend's continually skeptical expression, Beckett sighed. "I'd rather have the use of both of my arms the first time."

They both tried to remain serious but quickly dissolved into a fit of giggles until tears were sliding down their faces.

'Well,' Beckett thought to herself, 'I knew I wasn't going to make it through this night without crying.'

##

Detective Stevens leaned against the side of the apartment building, taking a long draw of his second cigarette. He'd almost been off these damn things, too. His wife was going to kill him.

Exhaling the smoke, he tossed the unfinished cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with his shoe, just as a cab stopped at the street in front of him. The first woman to exit the car didn't notice him, but the second did almost immediately. To her credit, she paused only for a second before walking over to him.

"Is he here?" were the first words Beckett spoke to him.

"Yeah, we thought we'd be gone before you got back. He didn't want you to have to see him if you didn't want to."

Stevens studied Beckett's face as she nodded in acknowledgment and was surprised that he didn't see any anger.

"Lanie, why don't you stay down here and keep the detective company?"

The other woman, who he now vaguely recognized as an ME, appeared to think that was a horrible plan. He didn't think it was a slight to his personality, however.

"Girl, are you out of your - "

"No. I won't be long."

Stevens and the Doc watched as she walked into the apartment building. "She's a class act," he admitted grudgingly.

"She's an idiot," Lanie muttered to herself, not that it stopped Stevens from hearing her.

"The two aren't mutually exclusive. Cigarette?"

The look she shot him told him exactly where he could stick the offending object.

##

The apartment was eerily quiet when Beckett walked inside. She was about to call out when Demming walked down the hall, carrying a box that appeared to contain the odd assortment of his things that had accumulated there.

The second he noticed her he went very pale. "Kate..."

"You didn't have to sneak in and out of here, Tom," she reassured him in her best soothing voice.

He shook his head in disbelief. "I kind of assumed that I would be shot on sight."

"And you would have been, if I thought anything that happened earlier was intentional."

"Kate, if you want to press charges..."

"There are enough people who deserve to be in jail, we don't need to start arresting people who don't." Silence stretched between them, becoming more awkward. "Tom, I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"You need to talk to somebody. I've got a friend who works with trauma victims; I should have had you talk to her earlier, but - "

"A shrink?" He sounded like she was asking him to take a swim with sharks. "Are you sure you don't just want me to stand still while you take a swing at me?"

"I'm serious."

"I know," he agreed with a sigh. "Give me her number, I'll call."

Beckett rooted through her desk and came up with a card. Taking it, Demming started towards the door, but stopped just short of actually leaving. "So, is this officially your worst break-up?"

A laugh escaped her unexpectedly, and, shaking her head ruefully, she walked to him and brushed a kiss against his cheek. "Sadly, no."

He laughed softly in return. "Have a good life, Kate."

"You too."

And then she was all alone in her apartment. Collapsing onto the couch, she rested her head on her left hand, just concentrating on breathing in and out.

"You ready to go?" Lanie's voice asked from the general vicinity of her doorway.

"Almost."

##

Beckett studied the loft apartment looking for changes. She was sure there had to be something. It didn't seem right that they could go through what they had while the world around them had remained untouched. She couldn't find anything.

"You're redecorating in your mind, aren't you? Castle asked as he walked down the stairs and took a seat next to her. He'd insisted that she sit on the couch while he took her bags upstairs to the guest room. She insisted that if he tried to _insist_ again she'd take said bags and whack him upside the head with them. Then she'd plopped down on the couch and let him try his hand at chivalry.

"No," she said absently, an unspoken 'I wouldn't change anything' hanging in the air. Though, as long as it stayed unspoken, it wouldn't disrupt their delicate balance.

Even though she wasn't looking directly at him, she could feel the intensity of his gaze. "What?"

"Lanie mentioned that you had a visitor when you got home."

Shrugging, she answered noncommittally, "Yeah."

"You okay?"

Beckett opened her mouth to say 'yeah' again, but changed her mind at the last second. "Mostly."

"Do you - "

"Castle, can I ask you something and have you not be... _you_ about it?"

"Can I be me about it later?"

"No."

"Okay."

Even with the promise secured she paused. "I could really use a hug."

"That's not really a question."

"Castle..."

His arms wrapped around her before she could take back the request. He felt the tension slowly seep out of her, and his hand involuntarily began to softly stroke her back. She pretended not to notice when he turned his head so his nose was buried in her hair.

They stayed like that, neither saying a word, for a very long time.

* * *

**A/N 2: **So, she broke up with Demming and is back at Castle's! Everyone happy now? Yay! The End! *ducks flying objects* Alright, yes, there is one more chapter. It's already written and with my beta, so you should not have to wait too long for it.

I hope this was worth the wait :)


	10. Chapter 10

"You know there isn't a fee for you staying here. You don't have to make breakfast every time," Castle commented, running a hand through his sleep matted hair. He'd walked in on the entertaining sight of Beckett trying to whisk pancake batter into submission with her one good arm. "Why don't you let me take over?"

"Castle, I think I can - " the bowl slipped closer to the edge and would have succumbed to gravity if Castle hadn't caught it. "Okay, maybe you can handle breakfast today."

"Good idea." He nudged her around the kitchen island, waiting until she'd taken a seat on a stool before picking up where she'd left off.

For a little while, they remained silent, Castle concentrating on providing sustenance, while Beckett half-heartedly browsed through the newspaper. Each tried not to let the other's presence distract them... neither was particularly successful.

"I never got to thank you for the movie."

Castle looked up, surprised; he thought it was one more thing they wouldn't talk about. "You can't go wrong with _Casablanca_, right?"

"It is a classic," Beckett agreed. She caught her hand nervously fiddling with the edge of the paper and quickly pulled her hand away. "I'd like to think that isn't how it'd turn out most of the time, though... Ilsa leaving with Laszlo..."

"No? Even though she was 'the thing that kept him going'?"

"He had to know she was in love with Ri- another man. I don't see how he wouldn't come to resent her, and she him."

Castle pushed the bowl away, pancakes forgotten. "So, you've come around to my theory?"

"Theory?" She tilted her head innocently, but a smile teased her lips.

"That you're better off following your heart."

"I vaguely remember you saying something to that effect, now that you mention it."

"Beckett - "

Taking pity on the confused author, Beckett carefully leaned across the countertop and brushed her lips across his once... twice. Castle's hand came up to cup her jaw, but she pulled away before he could deepen the kiss. "I am willing to consider it a viable theory, yes."

He let a huff of laughter be his only response before capturing her mouth in a bruising kiss. His hands tangled in her hair, effectively holding her in place, though she was making no effort to get away. Only when oxygen became a necessity did they separate.

"You have no idea how close I am to just pulling you across this damn thing," Castle groaned, motioning to the marble surface between them.

"Keep that impulse reigned in, Romeo, you still owe me pancakes."

Sighing in the most put-upon fashion, Castle went about finding a skillet. As he poured a generous amount of batter, he glanced up at her. She was the most relaxed he'd seen her in months. "There is something I've been meaning to mention to you, actually."

Beckett eyed him suspiciously. "What?"

"The building you're staying in... it's awful. The elevator makes a weird creaking sound like the cable is going to snap any minute, which you could avoid if your foot wasn't likely to go through the stairs at any point. And don't even get me started on the lighting in your apartment - it's like being in a cave."

"You make it sound like the place is about to be condemned!"

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but..."

"Castle!"

"I'm sorry, Beckett, but I can't, in good conscience, let you go on living there."

She refused to allow herself to laugh, but she could tell from the glint in his eyes that he knew she wanted to. "And where should I stay until I find someplace you deem suitable?"

"There's always the couch at the precinct."

"Oh, and you were doing so well, too."

"And of course you should feel free to make yourself at home here!" he added quickly, as if it had just occurred to him.

Studying his face, she was surprised that he looked completely serious. "Castle, I - " Part of her was worried that this offer was just a dramatic overreaction to recent events, but...

"Just think about it..." Hesitantly she nodded. "Now, what would you like to drink? Orange juice, milk..."

"Hot chocolate?"

"With whipped cream?"

Shaking her head, she barely smothered a giggle at his look of mock-outrage. "Marshmallows," she allowed.

Raising an eyebrow, in an 'that's acceptable' gesture, he smirked. "I suppose that's one way not to take sides. You're going to be an interesting woman to live with."

Watching him search the cupboards for the sugar overload, Beckett couldn't help but silently agree... If nothing else, it would be interesting.

**The End**

**A/N:** And that's what's known in the hula-hoop arena as a full circle! Thank you for sticking with this story. I hope everyone enjoyed it :D

Thank you and good night!

**A/N 2: ***gets dragged back by beta* Aims! No, it's done! *gets glared at* *sighs* Okay, so apparently the Angst:Fluff ratio isn't quite right... So, while _At Home_ is done, look out for a sequel ;)


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